Hi Jen. I'm Ed.

I’ve been trying to construct this story in my head all week because it is a perfect candidate to test my creative writing “skills”. I would rather have someone more talented then myself to share it with y’all, but no one knows my sister like I do, so they would surely get it wrong. Sorry for the length, but you have to hear the whole thing. :)

There is something you have to know about Jen, my sister. She is the one of the bravest and most adventurous chicks I know. Ever since she got her “traveling speech therapist” job, she has taken advantage of every free weekend in the city that she is just so happens to live in at the moment. Last weekend, she decided to pack up and spend a long weekend in New York City, since at the moment she only lives a couple hours away. On Friday, she called exactly 10,307 times (while I was at work!) to tell me precisely what she was doing so as to make me jealous. Ain’t she sweet? One time she actually had me look up the Yankee’s schedule so that she could find out what time she had to be at the stadium to see the game. Now, it doesn’t really matter if you are a baseball fan or even a Yankee’s fan. Seeing a game at Yankee Stadium would ROCK. But I digress.

The coolest thing that she did was being able to attend a free street concert that featured none other then Collective Soul. Yeah, I’m talking about THE Collective Soul. I’m talking about one of my favorite bands of all time. I own every CD they have produced. Yeah, you heard me – EVERY CD. So, my sister, being the sweet non-gloating girl that she is, calls me in the middle of the concert while she is staring adoringly into Ed’s face and he is singing Shine. Well, it might’ve been cooler if I could have heard HIM sing instead of her. (Jen, next time hold the phone AWAY from your face when you call me from a concert.) After this wonderful phone call, she calls back about ten minutes later to tell me that the concert was shut down by the NYPD because the crowd was too rowdy. So, I was pretending to be sympathetic while she was talking to me when all of a sudden, I hear this, “Oh my gosh!! Hang on hang on………CLICK”. Line is dead. Now remember she is in New York City by HERSELF. This is at about 11:00, her time. She was just at a concert that they shut down because of rowdiness. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? My first thought is that she is being mugged and drug into an alley by some thug. So, I wait for her to call me back. And wait. And wait. About ten minutes later, my phone finally rings. I have dialoged our conversation, but you need to imagine her voice in a pitch so high that only dogs can hear it and speaking all in run-on sentences and faster then her brain can process.

Me: Hello? Are you dead??
Jen: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I can’t believe it.
Me: What?? What happened? Are you ok?
Jen: I just totally met them!! I can’t believe I met Collective Soul!
Me: You MET them??
Jen: I am totally Star-struck. Dude, I MET them.
Me: What? How?
Jen: I was in this hotel lobby because I heard that they were staying here and then they just totally were walking down the hall and I saw them and just went up to them and I was like, “Oh my gosh, I love you guys!” And then they were like, “Oh, sorry the concert got shut down.” And I was like, “No, I’M sorry.” And then I didn’t really know what to say. And then I finally said, “Oh, my gosh. I love you guys!” And then I asked them for their autographs and they asked me for my name and I was like, “My name is Jen.” And then ED was like, “Hi Jen. I’m Ed.” And then I was like, “Um, I KNOW you’re Ed. You spit on me!” And he was like, “Oh, sorry about that.” And I was like, “No, it’s COOL!”
(sidenote: When Jen attended the Collective Soul concert here in Billings, her story that she loves to tell is when Ed spit on her while he was singing. Yeah, she’s a freak.)
Jen continued: And then I told him the story about how he spit on me in Billings. I’m such a dork!! And then I couldn’t find a pen and I was like, “Man, I don’t even have a pen!” But then we found a pen and I got their autographs and then, DUDE, Ed touched my hair.
Me: HE TOUCHED YOU???
Jen: Yeah, dude. He touched my hair and he was like, “Oh, you have the same color hair as Julie, my sister. And we just love Julie.” Oh my gosh! I can’t believe I just met Ed!
Me: You suck.
Jen: I know!! I can’t believe I hung up on you. I should’ve let you talk to him!
Me: I KNOW!!!
Jen: And I didn’t even get a picture. I had my camera the whole time and I didn’t even get a picture.
Me: You didn’t get a PICTURE?
(sidenote: My family is notorious for carrying our cameras everywhere and getting pictures of simply everything we see.)
Jen: I can’t believe I didn’t get a picture of them!
Me: You’re so dumb. I can’t believe you just met Collective Soul, and didn’t take a picture. No one’s going to believe you.
Jen: Oh my gosh, I know.
Me: You suck.

The dialog continues with her freaking out because the marker they used is not drying onto the paper they signed. Then more talk about how she didn’t take a picture or let me talk to Ed. Meanwhile, she is so giddy, she is walking 8 blocks in the WRONG direction to the subway to get back to her hostel. Did I mention it is about 11:00 and she is alone in NEW YORK CITY?? And then she got the freakish paranoia that someone on the subway is going to steal her autograph. So, I finally told her to hang up, grab her Mace and settle down! I hear that she did finally make it back to her hostel unmugged and with one of the coolest stories I’ve ever heard.