Enough

I'm reading Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner* right now. Most of the people that read this blog have probably already read this book, but I wanted to post this excerpt anyway. The trait that I love about this author is her embarrassing honesty. She says things that most people would be too proud to admit. I was especially struck by this honesty in these few paragraphs. I was embarrassed and relieved at the same time because I saw my reflection in her words.

Context: She is spending Christmas morning by herself. She finds herself falling into a pity party of loneliness while she thinks of ex-boyfriends and married girlfriends and how they are spending their Christmas mornings.

So much for celebrating Jesus' birthday. I am more like the child who spends Mother's Day demanding to know why there is no Children's Day, not understanding that Children's Day is every other day of the year
I pick up one of my icons. It is Rublev's Christ. Its official name is "The Savior," but I have never heard anyone call it anything other then Rublev's Christ. Andrei Rublev, a monk and iconographer, painted it in about 1420, one section of a seven-part icon for a church in Zvenigorod. It is a very simple picture, just Jesus with a massive mane and a flat beard staring out at you. Rublev's Christ is the Jesus I always talk to when I am most upset. He manages to look stern and sympathetic at the same time. "OK, Jesus," I say, "I'm in this because you came to Earth, and because you came to Earth I can somehow deal with my wretched loneliness and whatever comes along besides."
"You are supposed to be enough," I tell the icon. "That you came to Earth is supposed to be enough. Even if I never go to New England again, even if I never plan another trip with somebody, even if I never feel happy for one more minute, that you came to Earth is supposed to be enough." I glare at my icon.
"And," I say after a minute, "it is enough. It actually is. If this is all I ever have, this glimmer of knowledge that you were born in a manger, that really will sustain me.”
"But," I add, "I really hope it doesn't have to sustain me." I really don't want it to be just me and the icons for all these Christmases forever.

*I also recommend Real Sex by the same author. It's the only book on chastity that I've read that keeps single women in mind and not just single men. It too contains great honesty in her writing.

By the way, thanks for your encouragement, Amanda!

Amanda adds...
I'm really glad you posted that, Andrea!

I just came across this blog post that ties in Real Sex and some results of the feminist movement, basically how "sexual liberation" has in some ways been really bad for women.

Melodee says:
Thank you for linking that blog post, Amanda. I appreciated the way she dealt with several different books on the topic. It also gave me motivation to pick up Real Sex again. I've been in the middle of it for a long time. I was enjoying it so much and then it just dropped off the radar screen . . .